


Stark

by Oscarthegrouch



Category: Mindhunter (TV 2017)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Established Relationship, M/M, Nighttime, POV First Person, musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21594313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oscarthegrouch/pseuds/Oscarthegrouch
Summary: Bill Tench thinks about his relationship with his lover Holden as he watches him sleep next to him.''So this is what it feels like for me to love you, and you to love me.''
Relationships: Holden Ford/Bill Tench
Comments: 11
Kudos: 35





	Stark

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend reading this after listening to Matt Damon's interpretation of My Funny Valentine, it really sets the tone!

It is a stark joy to understand that you see me in all of my being. Not as a husband, not as a father, not as friend but as me.

You've seen me grovel, you've seen me lose my temper, mayhap you even saw me lose a few tears. Wet eyes and all. I've made mistakes in front of you, some of which included hurting you. It's a true liberty and freedom to be me, to be me without fearing your disgust or your rejection.

That objectivity, this neutral eager-learning lense that you see everything with that annoys me so much - of course it does, it questions my morals and what am I without these guides ?- in the end it benefits me. You're so darn dedicated and smart. You won't avert your eyes in front of my weaknesses, you'll shine them for you to see better, to understand. I'll hate you on the spot but eventually I'll just have to accept that they're there, and you see them, and that's okay.

Because you love me.

The idea that Holden Ford can love is not quite fathomable to me yet. I try not to ask myself too many questions, enjoying the moment and all... It's just that you're committed to knowledge above all and I guess that can be hard; the fact that you have priorities.

For me it's great. I'm a working man, I've always put my carrier first.

Though I know how to relax...

Your sleeping form is quite grotesque. Between the rigid, excitable drumming of your body during the day and the now unwound, snoring, inelegant picture it offers at night, there is a stark contrast that always makes me smile in a mocking way. I can't help it; the terrible Holden Ford with his knitted eyebrows, is drooling, mouth open against the pillow. One leg stretched out to connect with my own calf.

I admit to kissing your face while you are in this state of ravel. Your nostrils sometimes flair in an animal like alarm yet your body remains heavy. It's quite wondrous that you manage to wake up so quickly at the sound of your alarm considering the slumber you are in at night.

I pet your hair too, amusing myself with your ignorance, thrilled at the power I have over you. That you trust me with your unconscious naked body. Touching is underrated, that sort of intimacy is blaring.

I can't help touching you when you sleep. During the day I have things to do and you flicker around busy and focused. At night everything converges back to your essence. I have all of you here in one piece. No distractions.

I can't sleep.

I'm overwhelmed with a gratefulness coupled with fear. The acknowledgment of my luck immediately paired with the anxiety of losing it.

When I come back to bed, after two smokes, with frozen feet, I see you scooted in the middle of our bed like a star fish. Your fingers grasp the sheets as I try to move you aside.

You selfish prick you won't budge.

In the end I lift you and flip you like a hamburger.

Your mouth is still open.

I cozy myself back in. I check your resting face, it's still exhausted and loose, all of your facial muscles are relaxed. I strain not to kiss you awake; your lips like that seem to be calling for something.

You wouldn't let me anyway, not after the cool taste of ashes has settled in my mouth. You'd protest and push me away with a hand on my shoulder. Not that I'd let you. I'd kiss you silly till the only thing you could taste on my mouth is the taste of yours.

Gosh you're beautiful.

I miss your foot on my calf so I indulge in stretching my own leg to reach yours. Now my foot is resting on your calf.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I had more to give you, you small amazing fandom!


End file.
